Listen up, guys.
You’ve probably convinced yourselves that finding a girlfriend at this point is a more difficult task than figuring out quantum science and that quite frankly you’d rather try and solve the latter.
But in all honesty, it’s not that hard. We’re not some unsolvable enigma that men’s magazines have you believe and finding a good girl and managing to keep her is not that hard, if you’re not a douche.
And since I’m so sick and tired of seeing it portrayed as some sort of a complex equation, I’m going to break it down to you in 13 simple steps.
I’ve had my fair share of guys trying stupid things like playing all macho, not calling for a few days after a date because he was playing hard to get, or boasting around his crew how he landed a fine piece of meat.
That is FOR SURE not a way to keep a girl around, so cross all that off your list and focus on the stuff I’m about to lay on you here.
Obviously, effort is extremely important but there are some other interesting (but not complicated) ways that will get you a girl that don’t include being disrespectful or making zero effort.
Pay close attention and don’t deviate from these simple steps and you’ll get yourself a good girl in no time.
How to find a girlfriend
1. Stop being focused on finding a girlfriend
The first step to finding a girlfriend is to stop actively searching for one.
Once you shift your focus from constantly being on the lookout, you’ll realize that just being yourself and not trying so damn hard will get you more points.
Next time you interact with women, no matter where or with whom, stop trying and relax. Girls notice when you’re trying too hard and when you’re not being natural and it’s off-putting.
Instead, be totally casual, don’t look too eager and you’ll see how girls will react to you.
Hint: They will be more drawn to the guy who seemingly doesn’t give a shit than to the guy who is constantly trying to impress her.
2. Make sure she notices you
Wear something that stands out a little. The worst thing you can do is blend in with all the other guys and make her see how bland her choices are; so much of the same thing.
Wear something bold, like a tailored suit, some jewelry if you have any, and start up a conversation with a particular girl you like. Or a few, your choice!
She’ll compliment you on your choice of attire, you’ll return the favor and there you go… the conversation has started and she has noticed you.
Also, if you have a tattoo and it’s possible to see it with clothing on, put it on display. It’s always a great conversation starter.
3. Amp yourself up and approach her
Before you approach a girl you really like, you need to rid yourself of any excuses and insecurities that come with it.
If you’ve convinced yourself that she’ll say no or that she’s out of your league, get all of that out of your head, because negative thoughts will only limit your abilities when you approach her.
You need to feel secure and positive about it because she is going to sense if you’re scared and insecure by the way you talk and how you present yourself.
So, chin up, believe that you can do this and just act as naturally as you can. Girls appreciate honesty and realness so never act like somebody you’re not. With time, it all comes to the surface.
Be exactly who you are, because if you’re not and she likes you, you’ll end up playing a character for as long as you’re dating her.
4. Be genuine and honest when you’re complimenting her
If there was a specific reason why you decided to approach her, if there was something in particular that attracted you to her, tell her in a cute and genuine way.
Maybe it’s her beautiful, long, curly hair that stands out, or her adorable dimples, or the way she laughs; whatever it is, compliment her and tell her that you just had to approach her because that certain thing blew your mind.
Just be honest. Don’t bullshit her and don’t overdo it with the compliments. Tell her how cute you think she is and she’s going to really appreciate it.
You’ll see how she responds to it and you can continue with the conversation based on what she says.
5. Tease her
Teasing is the best way to create some sexual tension between you two and to see how well you click and if there is a real spark there.
Always pay attention to everything she says and does, to find the perfect opportunity to say something witty and cute that will make her think for a split second, and when she realizes you’re just teasing, she’s going to feel relieved and probably crack a smile.
Also, by teasing, you are showing her that you’re not a pushover and that you can stand up for what you believe in.
She’ll love your raw honesty and she’ll probably reply with something playful and you’ll have that cute, flirty rapport working for you better than you hoped for.
6. Truly listen when she talks
Girls LOVE a guy who can listen! Whatever she’s talking about, be all ears and make sure to soak it all in. She will feel pleasantly surprised at how good of a listener you are; plus, you will remember so much stuff about her that she’ll be overjoyed you remembered it at a later time.
If she says something you don’t agree with, tell her but not in a confrontational way. Just make her see you respect her opinion but don’t necessarily share it.
She will like a man who won’t accommodate his beliefs with hers just to get into her pants. That would be the easy way, sure, but you chose transparency and that will always take you far.
7. Now it’s time to get her number
Once you realize that the conversation has gone really well, make an excuse as to why you have to leave now and quickly show her your phone and tell her to type in her number so you can text her later.
This is going to be awesome for you if you’re in a bar. She’ll give you her number if she likes you (and chances are she will) and then you can both return to your friends and give them the 411!
She’ll go to her girlfriends’ table and tell them all about you and you’ll tell your buddies how great you did and you’ll both be pleased with how things are developing.
Toward the end of the night, she’ll probably come looking for you one final time and if she does–bingo. She’s really into you!
8. Ask her out on an actual date
Okay, now it’s go big or go home. Once you’ve got her interest and she has given you her number, now it’s time to do something about it.
You can text her the next day but just a casual, cute text, nothing too complicated. Ask her how she is and tell her how great a time you had with her last night.
Tell her you’d love to see her again and wait to hear what she has to say. If she shares the sentiment, suggest meeting up sometime this week. Ask when she’s available and try to work out the best day to go on a coffee date where you can actually talk and not be interrupted.
Be fun, playful and cute. Don’t double-text and make sure not to reply the exact second she texts, as it will make you seem too eager. Just give it a little time and don’t push too hard.
Follow her lead and know when the conversation is over. Don’t overdo it; if it’s not funny and it’s not going to make her smile, don’t send it. Know when to stop while you’re ahead.
9. Choose the best location for your date
The best place for a first date is somewhere casual and fun, where you can openly talk for as long as you want but also doing something that will engage you both physically (no, I’m not talking about sex).
Try to find an interesting, alternative coffee shop, with good music and a relaxed atmosphere. Bonus points if the seats are comfortable so you can both be totally chill and comfortable while getting to know each other.
Another amazing idea for a first date is the ZOO! It’s extremely engaging, you’ll have so much to see, so much to talk about and she’ll grab you every time she sees a cute or dangerous animal, insisting you’ve got to see it!
The feeling will be as if you’ve known each other for ages and you will literally forget you’re on a first date.
You’ll have so much fun, you’ll laugh, talk and have so much to go over during drinks afterward or on your next date.
10. Compliment her on the date
You might not know this but girls are just as nervous before a first date as guys are. We spend so much time figuring out what to wear, how to do our hair, what make-up to use… so it’s nice hearing you think we look good when you see us.
Girls can seem confident and self-assured but inside, we’re just hoping we didn’t overdo it with our make-up and that our hair is still how we did it at home.
So be mindful of that and be specific when you tell a girl how beautiful you think she looks.
Compliment her like you really mean it (hopefully you do!) because she did all of that just for YOU.
11. Avoid these topics on the date
Some things are just off-limits when you’re on your first date. For example, do not mention your ex and don’t ask her about hers. It’s way too soon.
Don’t talk about money, whether you’re loaded or not, and don’t boast about it. That is an instant turn-off.
Don’t complain about your job, your boss or co-workers. She doesn’t know you well enough yet to know that it’s really not you and that you truly do have a shitty boss. Save that for when she gets to know you better.
And don’t talk about religion. Again, way too soon for such serious topics. On your first date, the whole point is to get to know each other but through fun, casual interactions!
You want her to see you as a cool dude, who’s fun but smart and who doesn’t take himself too seriously. Don’t ruin that with any of these topics as they are too heavy.
12. Openly flirt with her if the vibe is right
There is nothing wrong with being a little physical… If you’re sitting close to each other, ‘accidently’ touch her leg for a second and see how she reacts.
If there’s something in her hair, offer to remove it. It’s a great chance to touch her innocently, brush your hand through her hair and make sure to graze her neck…
Find a reason to high-five her and then lock your fingers with hers for a second, before letting go.
She probably won’t be immune to any of these and it will gently arouse her (interest).
If she’s really into it, she’ll lean into you a bit more, or touch you here and there, and you’ll see based on her reaction how far you can take it.
If she takes your hand and keeps playfully touching you, congrats. She’s really into you!
13. Kiss her
By now, you’ll probably know if it’s okay to finally make a move and kiss her, so it’s time to close the deal.
If she’s biting her lips, playing with her hair, looking you straight in the eyes as you’re talking and laughing at all your jokes… she wants you to kiss her.
Don’t think about it too much. When you feel the moment is right and she’s really eager… just slowly lean in, look her in the eyes, briefly pause as your nose is touching hers… and go for it. This is your moment.
She will be tingling with excitement, get a little red in her face and be bursting with joy on the inside.
Enjoy the moment and don’t overthink it. It happened, you kissed and the ice is finally broken. Be proud of yourself and make sure that you kiss her again when you’re walking her home if you sense that she’d like it.
When you finally get home, you can high-five yourself because man, oh man, have you had a successful date or what?
Now, it’s only a matter of time before the second date and she’s probably more excited about it than you are. Just make sure to follow these 13 steps, be respectful and patient and read your audience and you’ll have her positively hooked.
In no time, as your dates go by, the next better than the last, you’ll find yourself in a relationship with this girl and you won’t even have to try too hard. So what are you waiting for? Go get your girl and win her over; the ball is in your court now!